Dear reader,
I find myself in a peculiar personal situation which
is so far out of my realm of experience that I'm using this channel to
ask for advice as I feel there must be other people around in my
position. I truly don't know what to do and would appreciate any advice
anybody out there has to offer. Here's the problem.
I am a person
of independent means, which means that I can do as I like with my time
and this, until a year ago, suited me to perfection. I traveled, I
indulged; indeed I did not shy away from any experience life had to
offer and I wanted for nothing. Then, on a whim, I suddenly married
twelve months ago and that’s when the trouble started.
At first I
enjoyed being a husband, the simplicity of domestic bliss had briefly
enslaved me but eventually, three months later, the novelty wore off and
I found myself craving freedom. Once again I yearned to expect the
unexpected, to embrace life’s pleasures unfettered and so, in keeping
with my newly found zest, I began an affair with a woman. The excitement
I felt every time I presented my wife and my mistress with yet another
lie to account for my whereabouts is hard to put to words. To put it
simply I felt alive and if it wasn’t for my falling in love, I would be
feeling it still.
It's only recently that I've come to understand
that love hurts. It's certainly turned my world upside down, I can tell
you. I used to be so carefree, so beautifully callous in my romantic
pursuits, which were numerous. Those were wonderful times, when visions
of exhilarating adventures, piles of them, delightfully uncomplicated
and brief, galloped through my head, just after lunch when I’d sit back
nursing a cognac; for hours I was lost in reflection and the planning of
my next affair. I had the best time of my life, I admit, when I was
about to make a new conquest, all without feeling the least bit of
guilt.
Alas, those days have now sadly come to an end. Since I
fell in love I only mope and furrow my brow as I sit contemplating life
without my angel because divorce, due to an iron-clad prenup is out of
the question. Not only would my wife fleece me of every last cent but,
to add insult to injury, she's concerned over my well-being. Of course, I
take into account that the stupid woman is blissfully unaware about my
situation but when she plies me with her never-ending inquiries as to
why I seem so forlorn, I feel like putting my head in a bucket. I can't
bear to look at her, and not just because she's frightfully ugly. It's
all that and more. I am in a pretty pickle, I realize as I gaze at her
long ovine face which her worried expression makes only longer and more
ovine, and I wish I had not gotten that rotten drunk that night at the
casino when I woke up in that cheap motel with her by my side waving the
marriage certificate at me in that triumphant manner. We're married,
darling! She bleated and she had my signature to prove it.
Well,
what could I do? Tell her my heart wasn't in it? I should have but I
didn't. I've been a gentleman all my life and it's been my undoing. As a
result, my life today is full of regrets. Well, I try to make the best
of the situation; as I juggle my two lives, heaping lies upon lies in
both directions, I seem to be sinking deeper into deception and there’s
no end to it.
So this is my story, dear reader, and I am hoping
that you will be able to offer some insight into this peculiar situation
and tell me what to do.
Yours truly
Unhappy Adventurer
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